


Come As You Are

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cosplay, How many ideas can I shove in one AU, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Polyamory, Tumblr, and because i like making things more complicated, and then they all cosplay it, but also they're creatures so it's more interesting, this is one of those meta fics where Attack on Titan exists as an anime and manga within the AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:49:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2110539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren's got the most mixed blood he knows - half angel, half everything else on the face of the planet. He's a mixblood rights activist, and he's proud of who he is, but sometimes he needs an escape. So he cosplays. He runs a tumblr blog for his cosplay of the main character from his favorite anime, Attack on Titan. Through his interactions with other Attack on Titan cosplay blogs, he meets Erwin and Levi, whose characters he happens to totally ship with his own. But as Eren gets to know the two out of character, he has to ask himself: does he like their characters or does he like the people playing them?</p>
<p>(Both. The answer is both.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. As a Friend, As a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, I'm starting yet another fic! I am bad at self-control. But hopefully I've thrown enough of my various ideas into this fic that I won't have to start another for a while and can focus on the ones I've got XDD
> 
> But yes, this is mythical creatures meets modern society meets tumblr and cosplay meets a threesome. Because why not? There needs to be more eruriren in the world. There's only Eren and Erwin in this chapter but I promise Levi will come in and it will be a polyamorous relationship.
> 
> If you have any questions about this universe or anything at all, or if you have prompts or want to chat or whatever, my tumblr is [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/). Please ask me questions about this universe because it is all I think about like I lie in bed wondering what the forms you fill out when you go to the doctor would be like. Also, if you like eruriren, make sure to follow [ threelosersinlove](http://threelosersinlove.tumblr.com) which is an eruriren blog I mod. 
> 
> Also huge props to my beta/RP partner/friend, [khimairan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/khimairan/pseuds/khimairan) who writes beautiful fanfics and is also on [tumblr](http://khimairan.tumblr.com/).

Eren was pissed. He needed a part-time job, so he'd been applying everywhere near campus for the past few weeks. He finally got an interview at this restaurant just a short walk away from his dorm, and it would have been a great job, but as soon as the manager saw the wings, Eren's fate was sealed.

He saw how the manager squinted at his wings as if they had offended him the second Eren walked in. And then half of the interview consisted of pointed questions about hygiene and even about maneuvering in tight spaces - "when the restaurant gets crowded, it can get pretty tight in here; would you be able to handle that?" the guy asked, looking at Eren's wings as if he was expecting them to answer on their own.

But it didn't matter that Eren had gone through the ordeal of combing his wings beforehand, or that he pulled them tight against his back to show just how little space they could take up, or that he assured the man - looking him straight in the eye (he only had one, because the guy was a cyclops) - that having wings was no less sanitary than having hair, especially because Eren was half angel rather than part bird, so he didn't even molt; the manager just wouldn't listen. At the end of the interview he sighed and said, "I'm sorry," - he was totally _not_ sorry - "but I don't think you're right for the position."

So fuck that. Eren had never exactly been able to control his temper – calmness was one of the angel traits he had _not_ inherited from his mother - and he especially couldn't control it in the face of such blatant discrimination, so he'd stood up, grabbed his bag, and said, "Tons of people have wings these days. If you keep discriminating against anyone who has them, I guess you'll just end up hiring _Nobody_."

He was proud of himself as he walked out of the restaurant, shaking his wings out a bit for emphasis and not even looking back at the guy’s shocked expression. Cyclops hated it when you brought up _The Odyssey_. Granted, a lot of people hated it when you brought up _The Odyssey_. The National Siren Society of America (or NSSA for short) was always trying to get it removed from high school required reading lists. In many cases they succeeded, but that's sirens for you.

Eren thought about what his mom would say as he walked back to his dorm. She'd tell him to calm down, that it's just in cyclops' nature to be closed-minded and that he shouldn't let it ruin his day. And Eren knew he'd respond by saying that that's no excuse for discrimination in this day and age. And then he'd probably make some horrible comment about how she couldn't understand; she was a full angel, not some half-angel, half-weird-as-fuck-kind-of-mutt his mom had a one-night stand with nineteen years ago. But he knew he'd regret saying that and upsetting her, which was why Eren decided to rant about it on Tumblr first before he told her about what happened.

Because things would be easier if he were a full angel. He'd be able to get any internship he wanted in the medical field because angels were "good at healing," or probably become a model because they were all beautiful as fuck, or even a job in some sort of administration because angels were supposed to be good at that kind of bureaucratic stuff. Or basically anything he wanted because purebloods were "special." And if all that failed, he'd be able to get a delivery boy job, because they pretty much _only_ hired winged people, but because Eren wasn't a pureblood he wasn't able to fly while carrying fifty pounds like those jobs required. He could barely fly on his own, because his bones weren't hollow like most winged people's were.

And as soon as you put down that you're a mixblood – a mixer, a mutt – on any job application (and they'll see it when they interview you if you don't put it on the form), you're pretty much screwed. It didn’t matter that over half the population these days was mixed; everyone was still so prejudiced. Even a lot of mutts thought you had to be the "right kind" in order to be "normal." If two types of fae have a kid, that's alright, but put a fae with a shapeshifter and suddenly everyone's going to hell.

Eren wasn't sure exactly what he was, other than half-angel. His mom had been pureblood, and then she pissed off her family by having a kid with Eren's dad, but she only knew him the one night, so who the hell knew where he was now? His name was Grisha, and that's all Eren knew about him, but he never particularly cared to know more.

It was obvious, though, that Grisha was as much a mutt as Eren was. Eren was always finding out new traits about himself, and he probably wouldn't stop finding them until he was in his forties and stopped growing. Unless you were just a plain human (and nobody was just human anymore, no one) you lived at least few hundred years, which meant that even though your body was mostly done growing at about twenty, it didn't truly settle into what it would permanently be until a couple decades later.

Eren's most visible trait was his wings, these ratty gold things that made putting on shirts a nightmare. He did like them, though. He worked out enough that he was able to fly himself and his backpack short distances, so he could fly to class or to Starbucks and avoid the ground traffic to get there faster. They would probably get a good deal bigger, too, even though they were already bulky enough Eren had some trouble with knocking things over.

He also had pointed ears, which would indicate either elf or fairy usually, but he also grew tufts of hair from them, which was either some kind of shapeshifter thing or something troll-like. But he didn't ever become an animal, nor did he always speak in questions, so he didn't have much of either of those. He kept the tufts of hair trimmed as short as possible though. They made it hard to hear. He had one golden eye, which could be plenty of things - angel, griffin, sphinx - and one teal eye, which could also be plenty of things - merperson, any ocean fae, even human. When he didn't keep his skin moisturized, the dry parts started to get scaley, but if he was in the water too long his hands and feet became webbed. He got cramps on the full moon, but didn’t shift into anything, and he didn't particularly mind the taste of blood, but didn’t go out of his way to eat it.

Eren was the mutt of all mutts. He'd never met anyone else like him. It got pretty lonely. Sometimes Eren felt that there was something wrong with him, and he hated that he felt that way. Sometimes people judged him or made fun of him for not being like them or like anyone they know. But the worst part for Eren was that he didn't quite know what he was supposed to do with himself.

Every kind of creature had a Thing. A talent, for example. And though not all of them would go into a career that involved that talent, many did. It served as a guide to let people know that there was always something there for them; there was always something they could do. Vampires and angels made good doctors. Merfolk were fishers and marine biologists. Werewolves were security personnel or soldiers or hunters. Elves were scholars. Dwarves were miners. All trolls did was collect fucking tolls on fucking bridges but at least it was _something_.

Eren hadn't gotten many traits from his mom. Sure, he had her hair color and expression, but none of her talents. He couldn't be a nurse like her. He couldn't even remember the difference between strep throat and a cold other than one of them you took medicine for, he didn't know which.

He didn't know what he wanted to go into at all. There were only a few things he truly enjoyed doing: fighting for equal rights for mixers, watching anime, spending hours at a time on Tumblr, and cosplaying.

It was a Sunday afternoon when Eren had his failed interview, so when he got back to the dorm almost everybody was either studying in their rooms, studying on the quad, or studying in the library. They all had to do the homework they theoretically should have spread out through the whole weekend but instead left until the last minute.

Eren, smart as he was, made the wise decision to leave his homework until even later that night so he would probably only get a few hours of sleep. He told himself he'd just get Armin to help him understand his bio and if he started working on his English essay now it'd turn into a political discussion on discrimination and mixblood rights instead of an examination of themes and motifs in _The Scarlet Letter_. That wouldn't be a problem except he already did that for his other essay this semester and his first semester at college last fall he learned that professors don’t really like it when you just wrote about the same thing for every essay.

So he went on Tumblr instead.

First – well, after he changed into more comfortable clothes and got a can of Coke – he wrote a detailed post about his interview and how big of a fucking asshole the manager was and that this was why they needed stricter anti-discrimination laws. Then he cruised the “mixer rights” and “bloodism” tags and reblogged posts that made him even angrier at the state of society. Then he reblogged a bunch of pictures of cute animals to cheer himself up.

And then he decided to go through his dashboard and see all the fandom stuff there. He followed almost entirely fandom blogs – though he also followed several activism blogs and most of his friends’ various blogs – and most of them were devoted to his favorite anime, “Attack on Titan.” There was some good fanart of his favorite ships today. He had a ton of ships in the show, but mainly he enjoyed any relationship between Hunter (the titan-shifting main character), Captain Rivaille, and Commander Keefe Augenbrauen. He didn’t care who was with who when it came to those three. His favorite was when he could find those rare gems of a threesome fic or fanart. Eren wasn’t quite that lucky today, but there was some pretty good stuff nonetheless.

He also had gotten some replies and asks on his Attack on Titan ask blog. He’d gotten pretty popular when he started cosplaying Hunter, because other than the wings he pretty much looked exactly like him. Okay, so he’d had to cut his hair to get the exact right look, and sometimes he wore one colored contact if he wanted to go for a more “canon” look (read: if he wasn’t being super lazy), but other than that he was spot on. He could usually tuck his wings close to his back and they weren’t too visible, because Hunter was a berserker (the only one in existence, and he didn’t know it himself until the Battle of Trost) and so he didn’t have any kind of wings or horns or tail, but sometimes when Eren was making gifs or was tired or lazy they would show. Every now and then people would tell him he should Photoshop them out, but Eren couldn’t be bothered to give a fuck. It didn’t matter what kind of creature you were, you could cosplay whoever you wanted. So what if most of the time Eren’s Hunter had wings? He still looked damn like the character.

Eren's ask blog had, in the few months he'd been running it, turned into a combination of his regular blog, an actual ask blog, and an RP blog. He was usually just too lazy to change blogs if he was reblogging fanart or whatever. And he'd been too lazy to create a separate RP blog too, so they all ended up on the same one, _ask-humanitys-hunter_.

There were some RP threads he needed to respond to, so he started there. One of them was pretty much pure angst, a canon divergence plot where the Military Police decided that instead of trusting the Scouting Legion with Hunter and his berserker titan-shifting ability, they’d lock him up in a dungeon under one of the walls. There, everything that the cruel guards in charge of him put him through eventually causes him to shift and he destroys part of the wall himself because the guards weren't able to stop him. He goes rogue and can't change back until the Scouting Legion tracks him down and Captain Rivaille slices him out. Hunter begs the Captain to kill him, to not let him hurt anyone else, but Rivaille refuses for some reason he doesn't even know himself. They then have to deal with the Military Police on their tails, Hunter's self-hatred over hurting so many people, and Rivaille and Hunter's budding romance.

It was pretty intense. The RP also happened to be with Eren's favorite Captain Rivaille cosplayer, _viva-la-rivaillution_. They hadn't interacted much out of character, really just plotting stuff, but for a while they'd been RPing and even doing some interactions in cosplay, sending each other asks whenever they knew the other was in costume. Mostly that was just funny stuff about the Captain telling Hunter to clean up his mess or Hunter having a hero worship crush on the Captain.

Eren had contemplated several times whether or not he should start talking with _viva-la-rivaillution_ out of character, but he didn't know if that'd be ok or not. He had almost no information up about himself, just that he was a guy, he was twenty-four, and his first name: Levi.

Several times Eren had begun a message to him, asking about his day or sharing something that reminded him of one of their threads, but he always chickened out before he pressed “send.” The guy was intimidating, though maybe it was just the character. Still, between only knowing him as the snarky, quick-witted Captain and the fact that Eren was maybe possibly definitely at least somewhat attracted to him, he found himself just sitting there and hoping Levi would say something OOC first.

So Eren just typed up a response to his and Levi's RP and then went through his asks. There were a few compliments on his cosplay or blog, which he responded to with some pre-made gifs and lots of hearts, one anon telling him he shouldn't cosplay Hunter because of his wings - he just blocked the user and moved on, and a few asks that he could answer with the Hunter gifs he already had made. And then there were a couple of asks from an ask meme he'd reblogged, all these questions about cosplay and the mun's cosplay life. One of them he answered easily - what was your first cosplay? (He was Italy from APH and it had been terrible but he never regretted it.) - but the other one he got gave Eren pause.

_17\. Why do you cosplay?_

It was from _theeyebrowscommander_ , one of Eren's favorite Commander Keefe Augenbrauen cosplayers, even though the guy wasn't an angel like Commander Keefe so he had to use fake wings, and fake wings always looked terrible. The two of them really only ever interacted in cosplay; _theeyebrowscommander_ didn't RP much at all it seemed, unlike Levi.

_theeyebrowscommander_ had even less info about himself up on his blog than Levi – not even his name, but Eren assumed that might be because he had an actual real world job, or at least he looked like he probably did. (Eren, on the other hand, had tons of info about himself and links to his main blog and Twitter and he basically ignored every internet safety lesson he'd ever been taught.) But, also like Levi, _theeyebrowscommander_ happened to be quite attractive.

Eren tried telling himself it was just that he liked the cosplays, that he liked the characters, and that he didn't even know what these guys looked like out of costume so he couldn’t even know if he would be attracted to them then, but damn they were still fucking hot.

It didn't help that Eren hadn't been laid in over a year.

In high school he'd fucked around quite a bit. He never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, because no one wanted to deal with the drama that came with dating someone with blood as mixed as Eren's unless they were only doing it to piss off their parents. But Eren could always tell when people wanted to use him to piss off their parents, so he always shut it down before he could be used like that.

He was sort of like the exotic foreign exchange student, except he was there all four years and so could last longer as a fuck buddy.

College was busy, though, and Eren hadn't really found the time to fuck around. And, as much as he hated to admit that he was not okay with just being fuck buddies with someone, that he wanted an actual relationship he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to have, he knew that it was true. He wanted something more than sex.

So he'd busied himself with cosplay and getting involved with the Trost University Mixblood Rights Society (a.k.a. MRS) and his blogs and also schoolwork, because as much as he procrastinates he still does make himself get his work done, and in general just making friends.

He was actually pretty happy; happier than he'd ever been in high school, where there was no MRS or any kind of group for mixers at all. Most of his friends at college he made either through the MRS or Anime Club (of which he was also a proud member), so he didn't feel quite so alone anymore. His two best friends from high school, Armin and Mikasa, also came to TU with him - granted, a lot of kids from his high school went to Trost because it was a state university and only half an hour away from Eren’s hometown – so he had them, but Mikasa was a Black Dog, purebred, and Armin was half-elf and half-kitsune, so neither of them were really that able to relate to him. Most people in the MRS were only half bloods, but there were a few that were more muddled like Eren. He was still the biggest mess of creatures he'd ever heard of, but it wasn't quite as bad anymore.

However, even though he was happy for the most part with all his friends and his life at college, Eren was still a horny 19-year-old boy, and he'd give anything to be able to fuck either Levi or _theeyebrowscommander_. They probably lived hundreds of miles away at least, though, so Eren just kept a close relationship with his right hand.

He had definitely not been expecting _theeyebrowscommander_ to send him a meme ask, though, and especially not this one. He hadn't expected anyone to send him this one. Eren had been dying to answer it, had even considered sending it to himself anonymously just so he could, but now that he got it he found himself at a loss for words.

_17\. Why do you cosplay?_

He tried for about twenty minutes to come up with an answer before he gave up. He moved on to other, easier-to-answer questions, and then he realized he had to do his homework, and then he ate dinner, and then he actually did his homework, and before he knew it he was in class the next day and he checked his ask box again and there it was, still staring at him:

_17\. Why do you cosplay?_

It took Eren two full days of thinking and putting off his schoolwork to finally come up with an answer to the question. He typed it up in a Word document first and then edited it as he wondered just why he was putting so much time and effort into something the guy had probably just randomly asked. But it was important to him, because he'd only recently thought about it himself, when he realized cosplay was eating up his spending money and he'd need to get a job to keep up with it, and he’d decided to try to get a job instead of stop the hobby.

Finally, as he sat in his dorm room Tuesday night after dinner, he finalized his words and submitted his response.

 

_17\. Why do you cosplay?_

_Sorry for the late response. I had to think about this one._

_I cosplay because when I cosplay I know who I am._

_My whole life people have been asking what I am. See, I'm a mixer, but you can't_ just _be a mixer. You say that and people ask "what mix?" And I get it. Most mixers are half bloods. But when I say that I'm not, people give me this pitying look like "poor you. You don't even know who you are."_

_I've thought about that a lot, and the more I think about it the more I realize that they're right. I'm not enough of anything to have a special talent or anything like that. I don't fit anywhere._

_But when I cosplay, I fit. I become someone who has not only an identity but a purpose. And maybe I'm escaping from reality by doing that, yeah, but reality sucks._

_When I'm Hunter, I'm a hero. Maybe that sounds childish, but whatever. It’s true. I think that’s why a lot of people cosplay, because it makes sense right? We all want to be heroes._

_But it’s mostly just… Look, I’m proud of who I am, ok? I’m proud of being a mixer. But sometimes it’s kind of nice – easier, I guess – to be someone else, someone who does know what they are, even if it’s a titan-shifting berserker. I mean, that sounds kind of bad, maybe. I’m not saying I don’t want to be a mixer, but… I don’t want to be a mixer. Does that make sense? It’s not really any different from someone saying that they just want to be normal, right? Like, no, you don’t want to be boring, and yeah, there isn’t really any one person that can be considered “normal,” but…_

_We all wish we were different. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. And cosplaying lets us do that. Or it lets me do it, at least. And so that’s why I cosplay. It helps me belong. It helps me know who I am. And it helps me be someone else when I don’t like what I learn._

Eren hesitated with the mouse over the “Answer Publicly” button. He’d never really talked about this with anyone before, not even with Armin and Mikasa. He didn’t like to admit that his blood status made him insecure sometimes. His whole life he’d been the epitome of the proud mixer – he didn’t care where he came from or what other people thought; he was who he was and he was proud of it. He beat people up for calling him a “mutt.” He started going to Mixer Rights protests when he was sixteen. Hell, he’d already been _arrested_ for protesting, he was that much of an activist. (His mom had been so proud, but then again, she went to protests with him sometimes.) But that was Eren: mixblood, mixer, mutt, and proud of it.

…Most of the time. He couldn’t help but every now and then get sad instead of angry. He couldn’t help but sometimes wishing that he was born in a different universe where nobody cared about blood status, or even that his mom had married another angel like her parents wanted and that he was born a pureblood. He didn’t _like_ thinking that way, but he couldn’t help it sometimes.

So he wasn’t sure if he wanted to answer it publicly or not. For some reason, he wasn’t worried about sharing it with someone on the internet that he didn’t even know, but the idea of putting it publicly on his blog where his real-life friends would see it…

He moved the mouse back up to the text box and added a line at the end: _Hope it’s ok that I answered this privately._ He clicked “Answer Privately,” and then he let out a sigh of relief.

Armin looked over from his homework, his pointed ears with their human lobes and foxish tips angled toward Eren after hearing the sound.

“What’s wrong?” the blond asked with a hint of concern.

“Nothing,” Eren answered. He decided he didn’t want to explain, even though Armin was one of his best friends, so he lied. “Homework.” When he thought about it, he realized it was true. His homework did make him want to sigh in defeat. He hadn’t even started his bio homework due tomorrow.

But, instead of starting it right away like he should, Eren went to theeyebrowscommander’s blog and scrolled through his cosplay photos. Fuck, he was hot.

Did he really make the right decision, writing that response? The guy could be totally weirded out by it. Maybe he should have just written something simpler and less angsty. But there was nothing he could do about it now. He settled in to his bio homework and tried to concentrate and not whine to Armin for help because he seemed busy and got annoyed when Eren kept bothering him with homework questions.

A couple hours later, an email notification popped up on his computer screen.

_theeyebrowscommander asked a question._

The notification was soon followed by two more identical ones. Eren quickly clicked the link to see the messages.

_(1/3) Hi! It's no problem that you answered privately - I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the question. I didn't know it was something so personal for you. I understand where you're coming from, though. As you said, everyone desires to be different and to feel that they fit in. Even reading books or watching TV, we have the opportunity to imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes and become someone heroic, someone virtuous. I'm glad that a lot of the time you do feel comfortable and_

_(2/3) proud of who you are - I know a lot of people who couldn't say the same. Even if you sometimes feel that longing to be normal, I don't think it makes you any worse a person. That's just a natural longing for some sign that we’re not doing things completely wrong; that were on the right track and going the right direction. Unfortunately we don't always have those signs. Life doesn't come with a manual, as they say. All we can do is stumble bravely into the darkness and hope we bump into_

_(3/3) people who help us on our way, and whom we can help in return. Sometimes we will become hopeless, but we keep walking along anyway, because it is what we must do. ...I admit I don't really know where I was going with this. Just know that I understand what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. And thank you for sharing it with me. Sorry about the multiple asks. Tumblr’s character limits are obnoxious._

 

Eren read the messages once. Twice. A few more times, just because the words didn't seem to be processing well in his mind. The guy was eloquent. He used "whom." Eren had never used "whom" in his life. He was also nice, worrying about upsetting Eren with his question. And he'd obviously spent a lot of time writing this response - though not quite as long as Eren had for his - and Eren found himself feeling like this guy wasn't just saying "I feel you" or something disingenuous like that. He really understood how Eren felt.

What if he was a mixer like Eren? Someone just as muddled, who knew what it was like? Eren wanted to ask, but it was rude, and against his morals to ask someone their blood status, because he believed it shouldn't be important.

That didn't stop him from burning with curiosity, though. He needed to know if he finally met someone who was like him. He just needed to figure out a casual way to go about confirming it.

Eren put away his homework and decided that this was more important. He wrote out several drafts of what he could say, but scrapped all of them.

By 7 am, after staying up all night, Eren came up with his final answer. He found the final ask in the series and typed up his response.

 

_Thanks. I completely agree with what you're saying. I've been wondering... What made you choose that question from the list? If you don't want to answer its fine._

 

Eren sent the response and then flopped down for a couple hours of sleep before his first class at 10. He probably would have been better off not sleeping at all, because he was miserable when he woke up, and he could have used the time to actually finish his bio homework and he wouldn't have had to do it during his economics class like he did now. Eren hadn't declared a major yet, so he was getting his General Education classes done with while he decided what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. But taking Gen Eds just meant that he was taking a lot of random classes in subjects he wasn't necessarily the best at. But oh well. College was still fun.

He had a response from _theeyebrowscommander_ when he checked his email as he picked up lunch before bio. He waited to read it until he got to class so that he wouldn't walk into people. He was clumsy enough as it was. The response, this time in the form of fan mail probably to get around the stupid ask length limit. It read:

 

_To be honest, I'm not really sure why I chose to ask that particular question. Though, I think it's always interesting to hear people talk about their passions, and why they're passionate about them. I don't often get to hear people talk about things they genuinely love, at least not in real life._

_Also, I must admit that I was trying to break the ice a little. We've interacted a good bit in cosplay, so I figured maybe we could get to know each other a little better out of character so were not just two strangers sending gifs back and forth. That is, if you're ok with that as well._

 

Holy shit. Holy _shit_. Eren could barely contain himself. He nearly squealed, and his wings ruffled a bit with the desire to spread and flap them with excitement. _He wanted to be friends_. And Eren could take friends. He would very much like to be friends with this handsome eloquent kind man who enjoyed cosplaying one of Eren’s favorite characters and seemed to share at least some ships. Eren wanted to be friends very much. He didn’t care that he didn’t even know his name yet. He was really excited to get to know him better.

Class was starting, but he had to respond right away. He just hid his phone in his notebook – the fucking professor didn’t allow laptops – and quickly typed up a response.

 

_I’m totally fine with that! I was actually wondering about talking to you OOC t_

No, that sounded kind of creepy. He deleted what he wrote and began again.

 

_Yeah, I’d love to get to know you better too! It’s always cool to get to know the people you interact with, I think. Do you want to talk on Skype instead of Tumblr’s stupid messaging system? Just chatting ofc not video or anything. My username’s jaeger-the-hunter because I’m a huge dork lol. But yeah if you want to add me and we could talk there it’d probably be easier._

Eren kept himself from thinking too much about it before sending the message, because he knew he’d take forever rewriting it if he did, and his professor was already giving him dirty looks. But then he thought of something else and opened up another blank message to theEyebrowsCommander.

 

_My name’s Eren, btw._

He sent it and put his phone away and desperately tried to concentrate on bio class. He did not succeed. He would ask Armin about it later.

 

Later that night, as Eren pretended to do homework in the dorm lounge with some of his friends, a Skype notification popped up on his screen. Eren had opened Skype and logged in the minute he got back from class, and he’d been waiting for some sort of response from _theeyebrowscommander_. It seemed he’d finally gotten one.

It was a contact request from someone on Skype also called _theeyebrowscommander_. Eren wondered if the guy had created the account specifically for this; if he didn’t often talk to strangers online and was a businessman in real life, he probably didn’t have a Skype account. But Eren couldn’t tell. At least he knew who it was. Just in case he didn’t, though, the man had added a message to his request.

 

_Hello, Eren. It’s theEyebrowsCommander from Tumblr, in case you couldn’t tell from the name. I agree with you that this is probably a more convenient means of communication than Tumblr. – Erwin_

 

Eren found the formality a little endearing. This guy – _Erwin_ , Eren mentally corrected – was obviously older, and he obviously didn’t talk to people online all that often. Eren accepted the request and saw that Erwin was online, though that wasn’t surprising, as he’d just gotten the request a minute ago. He opened a new message to him.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: hi_

 

The response came just a few seconds later.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Hello._

 

Okay, what should he say next? Thankfully Eren didn’t have to decide, because just a few seconds later there was another message.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: How are you?_

It only took a few seconds for Eren to type up a response. He tried to write something that could lead into a conversation, but wasn’t too obvious about it.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: pretty good. keep putting off my bio homework haha_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Are you studying bio? Pre-med perhaps?_

Eren vaguely wondered if Erwin thought he was pre-med because of his angel wings. He tried not to make that assumption, because he really wanted to like the guy.

 

_jeager-the-hunter: no, undeclared. still dunno what i wanna do with my life._

_theEyebrowsCommander: That’s ok. Most people in college don’t. What year are you?_

 

It seemed Eren’s attempt to get a conversation going was working. He mentally high-fived himself, and if he wasn’t surrounded by other people right now then he probably actually would have.

 

_jeager-the-hunter: freshman, so i’ve still got some time. getting my gen eds done._

_theEyebrowsCommander: That works. Gen Eds are important, and they can help you figure out what you want to do. Anything stand out to you so far?_

_jaeger-the-hunter: not really. if i could just cosplay for the rest of my life that’d be great haha_

_theEyebrowsCommander: There are some people who do, I think. Professional cosplayers._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeeeah i don’t think that’s gonna happen for me. i’m not any good at sewing or anything._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Well, I’m sure you’ll find something you can make into a career. It just takes some creativity. Not everybody’s cut out to be a lawyer, you know?_

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah, you’re right. thanks. so, what do you do? you have a real person job, right?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: “Real person job”?_

_jaeger-the-hunter: yes, real person job. a full time one with a commute and lunch hour and coffee breaks._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Well, I suppose I do have one of those. I’m a lawyer._

_jaeger-the-hunter: ah so you’re one of those people who_ is _cut out for it haha_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I suppose, yes._

_jaeger-the-hunter: you suppose?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I’m good at what I do._

_jaeger-the-hunter: that doesn’t sound like you really enjoy it, tho._

Eren wondered if maybe he was being too pushy, considering he just started talking to the guy. But Erwin didn’t seem to mind.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Sometimes I’m not so sure that I do._

 

Eren wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: that sucks, sorry._

_theEyebrowsCommander: It’s alright. I guess that’s my answer to the “Why do you cosplay?” question. It’s something I do enjoy doing._

_jaeger-the-hunter: that’s good._

That didn’t really seem like enough to say, though.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: i’m glad you found it._

_theEyebrowsCommander: So am I. And finding people who enjoy the same things as you online is a bonus as well._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah, there are some dicks on tumblr but there are also some really great people._

_theEyebrowsCommander: I have to admit, I haven’t really interacted much with anyone out of character._

_jaeger-the-hunter: i’ve made a couple of friends on tumblr, it’s pretty cool. i come from a pretty small town where there weren’t really many mixers, so i found the whole community on tumblr and it was like wow._

Sure, he hadn’t found anyone quite as mixed as him, but that wasn’t the point. Eren mostly just wanted to test Erwin’s reaction to mixers. Of course, he knew Eren was a mixer already from his answer to the original question, but he still wanted to make sure. Thankfully Erwin passed the test.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: I’m so glad you found that. Unfortunately there are still a lot of closed-minded people out there._

_jaeger-the-hunter: thanks._

He wanted to ask if Erwin was a mixer himself, because this was a good opportunity, but Eren didn’t like asking people their blood status. He didn’t know what else to say, though, and there was a weird silence. Eventually, Eren remembered that this guy is new to making friends online, so he decided it’s up to him to continue the conversation.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: so how did you get into attack on titan? do you watch a lot of anime?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I do, actually. When I went to college there was an anime club there, and it was just a handful of us, but it was the only thing to do in the area on Friday nights other than go to parties, so I started going and found I was really interested._

_jaeger-the-hunter: i’m part of the anime club at my school, too! except there are a bunch of us. actually i convinced a bunch of them to put together a group cosplay from attack on titan because we all look kinda freakishly similar to the characters. there’s a con about an hour away from us in like a month so we’re trying to set up a trip._

_theEyebrowsCommander: That sounds like a lot of fun. I’ve heard that cosplaying at conventions is a lot of fun, but I’ve never been._

_jaeger-the-hunter: you should try sometime. they can be kinda intimidating, and it’s not really as much fun if you go alone, and they get pretty crazy, but they’re awesome._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Maybe I will try sometime. I’m… not the best when it comes to social situations like that, but maybe I’ll try._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah if you don’t like crowds or whatever then it might not be the most fun. i guess it depends on how comfortable you are._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Cons always look like so much fun, though. I’d like to be able to try one sometime._

_jaeger-the-hunter: maybe try like a small one, or if there’s one in your town so you wouldn’t have to travel?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: That’s a good idea, thank you._

Eren kept feeling like he was hitting landmines in this conversation, but Erwin didn’t seem to mind it. The formal way he wrote made a bit more sense now, though, now that he knew about his social awkwardness. He decided to change the subject a bit, thinking that Erwin might be a little uncomfortable with it.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: so have you cosplayed before or is Keefe your first?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Keefe is my first cosplay._

_jaeger-the-hunter: how did you get started? other than the fact you look exactly like him haha_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I’ve been on Tumblr a few years, so I started seeing cosplayers around, following some people, and – as you said – I do happen to look quite a bit like Keefe minus the wings, I decided to try it._

_jaeger-the-hunter: well you’re really good at it. your costume is great. and you really do look exactly like him. you use your real hair, right? not a wig?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Thanks! Yes it’s my real hair. Admittedly, I cut my hair specifically for the cosplay. I actually think it looks better this way, though._

_jaeger-the-hunter: i cut my hair for hunter too! it used to look more like titan!hunter. but yeah it’s probably good that i cut it. it looks better when interviewing for jobs. though that hasn’t panned out much anyway so i suppose it didn’t actually help with that much._

_theEyebrowsCommander: I’m sorry you can’t find a job. It’s a tough market out there. Every little thing you do can help, though._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah, it’s just frustrating. cosplay is expensive, especially cons. i’ll figure something out though._

_theEyebrowsCommander: You’ll find something eventually._

_jaeger-the-hunter: thanks._

Eren realized he hadn’t been doing any of his homework and tried to get a question done. He quickly got frustrated and realized that he might have left things on an awkward note with Erwin. So he brought the Skype window back up and started typing another message.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: uugh bio. what the fuck even is a granulocyte?_

 

Erwin took a few minutes to type before Eren got his response.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: They’re a category of white blood cells characterized by the presence of granules in their cytoplasm. They are also called polymorphonuclear leukocytes (PMN, PML, or PMNL) because of the varying shapes of the nucleus, which is usually lobed into three segments._

Eren read the message through a few times, completely confused.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: i thought you were a lawyer?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I am._

_jaeger-the-hunter: are you like… a doctor-lawyer? like, malpractice suits or whatever?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Nope. Business lawyer._

_jaeger-the-hunter: then how???_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Wikipedia._ _:)_

_jaeger-the-hunter: …oh._

_jaeger-the-hunter: why didn’t i think of that?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: It’s a skill only honed after four years of undergrad and two years of law school._

_theEyebrowsCommander:_ _:)_

_jaeger-the-hunter: haha ok then oh wise one, tell me. what is the purpose of neutrophils?_

 

Eren was trying not to smile too obviously to himself so his friends wouldn’t ask questions as he waited for an answer.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: killing bacteria, eating foreign substances in the body, and becoming pus._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yay. pus._

_theEyebrowsCommander: I know, pleasant right?_

_jaeger-the-hunter: extremely. who doesn’t like to talk about pus?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: Certainly not me. I love talking about pus._

_jaeger-the-hunter: hahaha_

Eren continued sending Erwin the bio questions he couldn’t figure out so that the man could look them up for him. Of course, Eren could look them up himself, but Erwin didn’t seem to mind at all, and it was a way of keeping the conversation going. Eventually, though, Erwin had to leave.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Unfortunately, I have to wake up and go to work tomorrow morning. I’m afraid I must say goodnight._

_jaeger-the-hunter: ah right i forgot normal people don’t stay up until like three in the morning. well i guess y’know vamps and other nocturnal people, but whatever you know what i mean._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Haha yes I do. Good night, Eren. I’ll talk to you soon._

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah, talk to you soon! night!_

Eren watched as _theEyebrowsCommander_ ’s status went from “online” to “offline,” and he just watched their conversation for a little bit.

 

“Oi Jaeger! What’re you smiling like an idiot about?”

Ugh. Fucking Jean.

“I’m laughing because someone let a horse in the dorm,” Eren responded with a smirk.

“For the last time, Jaeger, it’s _centaur_.” Jean clopped over to Eren and glared down at him. “I swear, I will stick a hoof through your fucking-“

Someone cleared their throat and Jean froze, before slowly turning his torso to face Mikasa and her glaring, glowing red eyes. “Mikasa!” he said with fake surprise and real terror.

“Jean.” Mikasa’s eyes did not stop glowing red.

“I’ll just… Go study with Marco.” Jean trotted away to the other side of the lounge, where Marco – who was actually a deer shifter instead of a freckled Jesus like everyone thought – had several books open in front of him.

“Thanks, ‘Kasa,” Eren said, smiling, clasping her shoulder.

But Mikasa just turned her glowing eyes on Eren. “Stop trying to start fights, Eren.” The lights in the lounge started to flicker, and people started to stare.

Eren quickly tried to calm the girl down. “Woah, ‘Kasa, ok! I’ll try not to start fights! Not my fault the horse-“

A low growl came out of Mikasa’s throat and black fur started sprouting over her skin.

“’Kasa!” Eren exclaimed. “I’m sorry, ok! Just calm down!”

Mikasa finally complied and calmed enough so that her eyes were back to looking like her normal human ones with their black irises.

“You need to stop freaking out like that,” Eren told her. “The school’ll get angry if you cause electric problems. Plus, I don’t know if you’ve realized, but you kind of get really fucking terrifying when you go all ‘symbol of imminent death.’”

“For the last fucking time Eren, just because I do the thing doesn’t mean someone’s going to die,” Mikasa explained, exasperated at having explained this millions of times before.

“Yeah, but someone usually ends up in the hospital.”

Mikasa looked as if she was going to protest, but then she shrugged. “Ok, true. But seriously, no fighting. You can’t get kicked out of college.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to get kicked out, ‘Kasa. Everyone knows Jean’s all talk, anyways.”

Mikasa wisely chose not to point out that most of the time Eren was all talk, too. “You’re right.”

“I’ll be fine, ‘Kasa,” Eren assured her. “You know with Jean it’s not like that. Sure, he’s more ass than horse, but it’s not like that.” It wasn’t like middle school when some bloodist dicks decided to beat Eren up just because of his blood status. He’d have handled it fine on his own, but they got a hold of his wings, which were just starting to go through their first growth spurt, and… Well, at least Mikasa came and the guys ended up in the hospital. The two of them ended up suspended, but at least their parents weren’t angry. Mikasa may be purebred, but her parents were very liberal, so they were proud of her for standing up for Eren. Eren, however, has never been able to live it down. He loved Mikasa, but he could handle himself.

Mikasa finally softened. “I know,” she said, glancing down at the criminal justice book in her lap. “Sorry.”

Eren smiled, more than willing to forget any of that just happened. “It’s fine.” They both turned back to their work, but it didn’t last very long.

“So what _were_ you smiling about?” Mikasa asked. “You had a stupid grin on your face.”

“Hey!” Eren said, offended. “My grin is _not_ stupid!”

“It kind of did look stupid,” Armin, the traitor, peeped up from the couch next to them.

Eren pouted, and then realized by the way his two friends were staring at him that he wasn’t going to get out of the question. “It was nothing,” he answered quickly. “Internet.” For some reason, he didn’t want to tell them about Erwin. Maybe he was afraid that they’d ask why he was grinning so stupidly from someone he’d just started talking to, and then Jean would overhear and accuse him of having a crush and that would be awkward because he di-

Holy shit. He had a crush.


	2. Take Your Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is relevant to both the chapter and how late I am in posting it. With school, fucking fibromyalgia, and just plain laziness because I'm a piece of shit, this has taken forever. Now, I know ICSMWO was supposed to be next, but I decided to move CAYA up so my eruriren fics weren't back to back. So ICSMWO is next. Hopefully it won't take me two months.
> 
> Also [khimairan](http://khimairan.tumblr.com/) and I are turning one of our RPs into a fic, which you should totally read. It's ereri and it has dragon!eren. Here's the link: [The Sun on Your Scales and the Pride of Your People"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2356907/chapters/5201081).
> 
> Reminder that you can follow me on tumblr at [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com) and I'm tracking the tags "fic: come as you are" and "fic: CAYA".

Erwin couldn’t believe it. He’d done it. He had a normal, non-work-related conversation with someone. It might sound a little extreme for him to be so shocked, but he never did this. He avoided talking with people in personal settings.

People always thought it was strange. He was a great lawyer, so he should be good at talking to people, right? That’s what people always told him. But outside of the courtroom, outside of meetings with clients, outside of working hours, Erwin didn’t talk to people.

It was all because he was a goddam siren. People would flock to him just for opening his mouth to say something. It didn’t matter what he did or said, even if he made a complete fool of himself; they were all over him. Erwin knew that he didn’t deserve any of the attention he got. He didn’t want it. It was too much, too stifling, and he never asked for any of it. Erwin had never desired this kind of attention, but he could literally say “hello” to someone and they would bend over a table for him. Not only did it get tiring, it was also terrifying.

How could he ever know if someone was paying attention to him for him? How could he ever be sure that someone liked him for something other than the hypnotic abilities he tried and failed to control? How could he ever know if he was taking advantage of someone or taking away their self-control?

Erwin never wanted to be that person. He never wanted to use his abilities to control people. That was the main reason he never really had any friends. He’d had a few in school, of course, but he distanced himself from them to keep them safe. He was too scared to get close. And now that he was an adult, his only friend was his cat, Phyllis.

His self-distancing from other people meant that Erwin never dated, either. He’d been asked out plenty of times, but just the fear of a romantic or sexual relationship when he couldn’t be sure of his abilities… He would never risk it.

So he’d settled down for a life of relative loneliness, and sometimes he was ok with that, but mostly he was frustrated. It was only recently that he realized he could talk to people over the internet and they wouldn’t be affected by his hypnotism. He could make friends that way.

The only problem was, he had no clue to do that. He’d never made friends before, not really. Friends always came to him. But after many failed attempts to reach out to one of the people he interacted with in cosplay – in cosplay it was easier; he wasn’t himself – out of character, he finally did it. He was so nervous as he sent that first ask, and then when he got the response he was terrified he’d touched a nerve, but apparently Eren still wanted to talk to him. And that first Skype conversation, though it started off awkward, was actually… comfortable, by the end.

Erwin was proud of himself. He was still terrified he’d mess something up, but he’d at least made and attempt. He took the first step.

And Eren seemed really nice. Maybe it was because Erwin was so used to being around people who fawned over his unintentional hypnotic powers, but Eren seemed more real than anyone Erwin had ever known. He kept trying to keep the conversation going even when Erwin had no clue what to say. It seemed like he enjoyed Erwin’s jokes. He _complained_ about stuff in his life, and to Erwin that was totally new and welcome.

He felt so attached to this kid even though they’d only talked once.

That was the scary part.

How was he so attached after one conversation? That wasn’t normal, or at least Erwin didn’t think it was. Why did he just want to keep talking to Eren? Was it because he was the only chance at a real friend Erwin had ever had? But he could have chosen anybody that he interacted with as Keefe. There were plenty of them. But he’d chosen Eren. He didn’t know why he’d specifically chosen him. Maybe he just came across as a pretty friendly person. Maybe it was because he was pretty attractive. Erwin didn’t know for sure.

But he did know for sure that he didn’t want to be that creepy friend you see on TV who gets too attached too quickly. No, Erwin would not do that. He wouldn’t ruin this.

Thankfully, Eren was pretty good at beginning conversations. Every day, usually at a random time but that could be because Erwin didn’t know what his schedule was like but he remembered college as being pretty hectic, Eren would message him. Sometimes it was just a “hey, how are you?” but most of the time it was about something going on in his life.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: oh my god today in my math class this girl asked the professor if she was collecting homework right at the end of class when the prof had forgotten. like dude no that’s school rule #1 you never ask if there’s homework and you never ask if the teacher’s collecting it. and of course it’s the one day i didn’t finish the homework._

_jaeger-the-hunter: i found free cake on campus today. i ended up having to sit through a presentation on the themes of whatever “beowolf” is but i didn’t have to pay attention so i just played on my phone and got free cake at the end. so worth it._

_jaeger-the-hunter: i saw a dude riding a unicycle today. people still do that? thought the hipster thing went out of style._

_jaeger-the-hunter: my sister accidentally shut down electricity to all of campus for a few minutes today because she got pissed at somebody. it was hilarious._

They talked for hours. Erwin didn’t know he _could_ talk for hours. How did he have that much to talk about? Granted, Eren did a lot of the talking, but still. For someone who could hold a conversation in person for about ten minutes before needing to escape, this was insane.

Erwin thought his ability to do this was probably at least partially based on the fact that he didn’t need to devote his entire attention to the conversation at all times. A lot of times he would talk to Eren while he was also going over cases from work that he’d brought home. It was a nice break from his work to reply to Eren, but it was also a nice break from the conversation to get back to his work. If he really needed a break, he could always not reply for a little bit and then tell Eren he’d been feeding the cat or something.

Most of the time they ended up talking about Attack on Titan and things they saw on tumblr. People would post idiotic things and Eren and Erwin would share them with each other and rant about them. People would post headcanons or fanart and Eren and Erwin would fawn over it. People would send one of them cosplay asks and they’d discuss how he should respond. Things like that.

When they weren’t talking about that, they were complaining about their lives. Of course, sometimes good things would happen that they’d celebrate, such as when Eren got a job at the campus library, but for the most part they complained about things. Each of them had particular people in their lives that pissed them off.

For Eren it was mostly this guy, Jean, but after a lot of confusion Erwin learned that they were actually friends; they just fought a lot. Erwin was still confused about that, but Eren knew more about friendship that Erwin did. When it wasn’t Jean, Eren was usually complaining about his professors (“ _it’s like, thank you SO much for giving us ONE WEEK’S NOTICE that we have a paper we need to go to a museum for. like, what if i had no time this weekend? i do, but it’s the principle of the thing_.”)or the girl in his math class ( _“she asked if there was homework again, erwin. this is the THIRD TIME. THE THIRD TIME. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS NOT TO PUNCH HER WHEN SHE DOES THAT??? the only reason i don’t is because i can’t get kicked out of school_ ”).

Erwin was glad for the opportunity to finally complain about his infuriating coworkers. He’d never been able to complain to anyone but Phyllis before and she was a terrible listener. She was also a cat, and not a particularly nice one. So being able to complain about Nile, one of the partners at his office, and fucking _Balto_ , the rich, pompous client he was currently representing, was refreshing. It took a little while for Erwin to be comfortable complaining about these people to Eren, but after a few very frustrating days at work he just snapped. (“ _He’s got millions and millions of dollars but he won’t even fucking hand over the expenses for this woman’s medical care after he hit her car. And on top of that he’s trying to weasel his way out of paying all of MY costs for representing him, too.”_ ) Of course, he couldn’t name any names or specifics, because of confidentiality laws, but the case was being kept quiet enough and Balto wasn’t quite important enough for the media to give it much coverage anyway, so he wasn’t worried.

They’d been talking like this for weeks. The only time they really didn’t talk for more than a day was when Eren went to the convention he’d told Erwin about the first time they talked. But as soon as he came back, Eren told Erwin all about it and shared a bunch of photos. He spent hours telling Erwin exactly what he did and what happened that weekend, walking him through it in detail. Erwin had the feeling it was because Eren knew Erwin had never been to a con before and he was trying to allow him to live it vicariously. A lot of it seemed pretty stressful to Erwin, especially when Eren showed him pictures of the crowds that packed the dealer’s room and artist’s alley.

But it also sounded like so much fun. Erwin found himself wishing that he could actually be there, but he was still too scared to go to a con, especially alone. He would want to go in cosplay, because according to Eren that was the most fun way to go to a con, but how would Erwin even _get_ there? Eren had suggested going to one close to home, but still. He’d have to get in his car in cosplay and drive _in cosplay_ to wherever the con was, and what if a car pulled up next to him at a stoplight? They would think he was a freak. And then he’d have to deal with the crowds and noise and people and what if he wanted to buy something and he had to ask the price? He couldn’t do that. No way. He’d had problems with that before. He would ask the cashier how much an unmarked item cost and the cashier would tell him to just take it, it’s a gift, because Erwin’s siren powers were just that strong, given the fact that he was nearly purebred and his family was powerful to begin with. So Erwin would have to try to convince the cashier that he couldn’t just take it, what would they charge anyone else, but the cashier would keep trying to insist on giving it to him and it was just really stressful. There was a reason Erwin drove a couple extra miles to go to the grocery store that had self-checkout lanes.

So he contented himself with living vicariously through Eren, not only about the convention but about his general life as well. Eren went out with his friends and did things. They watched movies together and sewed cosplays together and ate meals together. Eren went to school clubs like the anime club and he actually talked to people there, because the people there were his friends. But Eren wasn’t afraid to talk to people who _weren’t_ his friends, either. He could say thanks and talk to someone in line for food when they complimented his shirt. He could say something when the people at the coffee shop gave him the wrong drink. He could answer questions in class. Erwin was finally getting to hear what it was like to be a normal person and it sounded awesome.

It also made him feel even worse about himself. Why was Eren spending time talking to _him_ , someone who couldn’t even remember if he wanted paper or plastic when the cashier asked him? Eren was also a lot younger than Erwin. Sixteen years’ difference didn’t mean as much with a lifespan of a couple hundred years, but it was still strange. Why would Eren want to hear about the boring life of a socially incompetent lawyer when he had plenty of friends at college to hang out with?

Erwin wanted to ask Eren about all this, but he knew he couldn’t risk it. If he asked and being reminded of just how big a loser Erwin was made Eren decide to finally stop talking to him, Erwin would never forgive himself for causing his own sabotage. So he just kept quiet and waited for the day Eren realized that being Erwin’s friend wasn’t worth it.

 

* * *

 

They were talking one day a couple months later when Eren got back from dinner with his friends and Erwin had gotten home from would when Eren first suggested video chatting.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: hey, so i was wondering if maybe you’d want to videochat sometime?_

 

They had been talking for an hour or so before this, so Erwin knew it’d be weird that he didn’t respond right away, but he really didn’t know what to say. Eren must have noticed.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: we don’t have to if you don’t want to. i just thought since we’ve been messaging for a while maybe it’d be cool to like actually talk._

_jaeger-the-hunter: but we don’t have to if you don’t want to._

_jaeger-the-hunter: no pressure or anything._

Erwin felt like he was going to have a panic attack. He wanted to talk to Eren face-to-face. He really did. Eren was his first real friend, of course he wanted to talk to him! But at the same time he knew that he couldn’t. He physically would not be able to go through with it. What if he massively screwed up everything they’d built here? What if his siren powers worked through the camera and he accidentally made Eren do something without meaning to? What if he just made a complete ass of himself because of his inexperience talking to people?

_Something_ would go wrong, Erwin knew it. There was no way everything could possibly go right, and Erwin couldn’t stand to go through with this knowing that he’d screw something up.

He wasn’t able to even smooth out his shaking hands long enough to type a response until a few minutes later. Eren was probably panicking on his end too, and Erwin felt worse knowing that it was all his fault.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Sorry. I don’t think that would be a good idea._

_theEyebrowsCommander: I’m really sorry._

Even though he and Eren were hundreds of miles apart, both of them could feel the tension stretched taut between them.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: oh. it’s fine. don’t worry about it :)_

Erwin felt like shit. Eren rarely used smiley faces, so something about the way he put one there made his whole message seem forced. Erwin had to explain.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: It’s just… I’ve told you about my lack of social skills before, but not really the extent… I’m worried my siren nature will come across through the camera and I’d accidentally entrance you. I don’t want to risk that._

_jaeger-the-hunter: ah, ok. i really don’t think that’d be a problem but if you’re that worried about it we don’t have to try._

Erwin could practically feel Eren’s relief in his response. It was strange how attuned to each other’s feelings they’d gotten, even though they’d only talked through messages. He found himself wanting to reassure Eren even more, though he didn’t particularly know why.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Maybe someday I’ll be more comfortable with it. I’m… worried, I guess, about messing up this friendship. I haven’t had many friends before._

Well, “many” was a stretch, but when Erwin read the message over again after he’d sent it he realized just how sad it still sounded.

_theEyebrowsCommander: Sorry, that sounds really pathetic, doesn’t it?_

_jaeger-the-hunter: don’t worry about it, man. i get it. social anxiety is a bitch. i’ve never had problems with it, but like i see all those posts online people make about it. it sounds like it really sucks._

Erwin let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Eren understood him. Erwin hadn’t ever really felt understood like this before. He hadn’t seen those posts Eren was talking about, but the few times Erwin had brought up having problems talking to people he’d gotten made fun of or been told that he couldn’t have those kinds of problems because he was a siren. Sirens didn’t have social anxiety. They just didn’t.

But Eren was different. It had taken a lot for Erwin to start telling Eren about the worse parts of his problems with communicating with people, but never once had the other made him feel bad for them. He just listened and understood. And here Eren was, doing that again. Erwin didn’t know how to tell him just how much that meant.

 

_theEyebrowsCommander: Thank you, really. It does suck. I hate it, but I don’t know what to do about it._

He couldn’t remember ever being this open about his feelings with anyone before, not even himself. It was terrifying but exhilarating at the same time, and Erwin couldn’t find himself regretting it.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: maybe you could practice talking to people? i dunno, set smaller goals that work up to something bigger? like armin taught me this study method where you give yourself a gummy bear at the end of each page and you aren’t allowed to eat the gummy bear unless you read the page. so the more pages you read the more gummy bears you get. and then if you do well on the test you give yourself some other prize. like a cookie or something idk._

_jaeger-the-hunter: but yeah what i meant is like give yourself a prize or something for doing social things._

_theEyebrowsCommander: That’s… actually a really good idea, thank you._

_jaeger-the-hunter: no prob. lemme know if you need any help._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Thank you so much. Really. Maybe… maybe one of my goals could by video chatting with you?  
_            

Erwin wondered if that was a weird suggestion, but there was something in him pushing him to forge ahead, and his pinky hit the “enter” button before he even realized it. Thankfully, Eren responded quickly, so Erwin didn’t have the time to panic too much about his suggestion.

 

_jaeger-the-hunter: yeah, that’d be cool. even if it’s just for like a couple of minutes._

_theEyebrowsCommander: Thanks._

_jaeger-the-hunter: don’t mention it. that’s what friends are for, right?_

_theEyebrowsCommander: I suppose it is._

 

* * *

 

When Erwin went to sleep later that night, he had a list of goals written up, a rewards system figured out, and a goofy smile that he couldn’t wipe off his face no matter how hard he tried.


End file.
